For the love of Track

It's funny how an asthmatic loves track so much. Kind of ironic I think. And if you're one of my close friends, I think you know how obsessed I am with the sport. I. Am. A. Thrower. I started throwing shot put in 7th grade. Started throwing disc in 8th. Started throwing hammer and weight as a freshman in college. Well, I'm still am a freshman in college, but we'll get to that. In high school I was involved in everything. Marching band, winter guard, motor city brass band, Dearborn youth orchestra, Spanish club, student council, and then, track. A jack of all trades, and master of none. I guess you could say I was searching for my niche. I had always been following in my sister's and brother's footsteps. More or less, I was a pudgy little girl that wanted to be like them, so I joined the track team. Throwing was easy. But my sights were set on soccer my freshmen year, and dropping throwing all together. When soccer conditioning came around my freshman year, my asthma wouldn't let me keep up. No excuse I know, but I wasn't experienced enough to try my best at controlling it. So, I stuck with throwing. Some point along the line, I realized how much I loved the sport, and I started getting serious, taking myself to clinics, quitting winter guard so I could do off season training... blah blah blah. Then the decision came to do it in college. I was close to not doing it because I knew how much time and work you had to put into college track, and I was leaning more towards doing marching band. But somehow I decided to give myself a year on the track team to see if I could handle it. Little did I know, I would struggle so much, I would have to make myself do 2 weeks of it before I could decide to quit. The beginning was awful. It was intimidating walking on to a team of truly amazing throwers. But when the second week was over, I had become apart of the team, and couldn't simply "quit track" and be alright with myself. I'll be the first to admit that I didn't think I would make it, but I did. It's still hard, but I'm just used to working harder now, than I used to before. The workouts are terrible, conditioning is a killer, the strength cycles are frustrating... But I LOVE throwing. I couldn't quit this thing I had found so much passion for. And it's all paying off. I was one of a few freshmen in the MAC who had just learned hammer, who was already four turning, which is a more advanced skill. I was extremely close to making it to the MAC Championships for hammer, but I just couldn't knock the people down. So, in the end of my freshman year, I have no regrets. I feel like if I didn't stick with it, it would have been the biggest mistake of my life. I think my parents had no doubt about me sticking in there. The fact that I am the first in my family to be a collegiate athlete is an accomplishment I never even thought about my junior year in high school. I actually recently went back to my high school to help them towards the end of their season, and a girl that I had thrown with the year prior, came to watch me at a meet close to home, and says that she's trying to fill my shoes, and that she wants to throw in college like me. I think people describe this as me being inspirational, but the way I see it, is she's my inspiration. I push myself to drive her a little farther, make her want to be better than me. It's not everyday someone from Southgate Anderson makes it to the college level. And I am so incredibly honored to show them that it's not completely impossible. You'd be amazed at where a little hard work and dedication can take you.

And what about college?

I'll tell you what! It's not what I thought it would be. Brittany has a pile hair laying on her bed. And that's how I feel about that. I haven't done much partying, or hanging out with friends. But in a weird way, I'm kinda alright with it. It's funny how my dad thought I would transition to college the best out of the three of us, and end up being the one that cries every time I have to go back... haha. Once a big baby, always a big baby. I've come to find how unhealthily attached to my family I am. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it can be disrupting, when I start crying while doing my homework. But, I think I'll save the whining for another time. Being in college is one giant task to take on. But being on a college track team is a whole other story. I guess I never considered how much time I would need for homework, studying for exams, and maybe even a social life. But, track has already made those timely decision for me. Wake up, class, practice, eat, homework, bed... do it all over again. Although, I can't complain. I love it. I love being able to say I'm a college athlete, even if the Division 1 athlete title still doesn't feel real. I love the sense of accomplishment I have after a workout, especially when I thought I wouldn't be able to make my first two weeks of them. I got through it, and put my physical capabilities to the test. My asthma doesn't agree with the idea of it most the time, but its another challenge I have come to terms with. In the end it's all worth it. Throwing is something that shows me my results, my improvements, and even the cold shoulder. It's love and hate. But if I didn't love it, I would have given up a long time ago, back when I took myself to clinics once a week so I could get a college coach's help, back when I spent my weekends at the rings, and spent all winter lifting with the football team. I never had to do any of it, but it's my niche. And that's how I feel about that! In other news. I'm talking to a really nice guy for about five months now. We'll keep his name a secret for now, see how things play out. I don't get to talk to my friends much, but he's good at keeping me company, and making me smile, don't even need a reason. I remember when I used to say "oh, there's just something about him." But I can tell you what it is about him. He apologizes for no reason! It may seem silly, but for some reason, it means a lot. He apologizes for the littlest things, even when I wasn't that concerned about it to make sure I'm still in it. His laugh is infectious, smile contagious. It's not about the physical relationship. I'm not being used for my body. It's about his, and my personalities clicking, for whatever reason. I think we're both unsure about what's happening, or how it will. But I'm sure that the river will take us where ever we're supposed to end up. I don't care to push anything right now because on two separate sides of the state. But I have high hopes for summer, when we'll both be back home. I don't want to over think things though. We'll just see where we go :) But as for me, I need to head to bed. I have an 8 am in the morning... o.O And that's how I feel about that! Goodnight all, Love, lins.

Breathing Through a Straw

I have an experiment for you all. Find a straw, a relatively normal sized one. Hold on to that straw. Now, go running. Don't sprint, don't power walk, somewhere in between. When you start breathing heavy, try breathing through the straw. You'll feel something similar to asthma. Not easy. Can't get enough air, can ya? Ha, welcome to my world.

I absolutely LOVE exercising, especially running. It was one of my favorite things to do everyday. But that was when I had moderate asthma. Some people grow out of it, some stay about the same, and for some like me, it gets worse. Now when I attempt to run, I have my ipod in one hand(on too loud to block out the sound of my wheezing,) and my inhaler in grasped in the other. Lately I've been backing away from running because my asthma is limiting me more and more.

I had my plan to try out for high school soccer when I got old enough. I had played for 8 years before. It was my dream to be on the high school team. I went to conditioning for a week, and quit. I couldn't keep up with anybody. I'm great on the field, but when they made us do the exercises, i was useless. Dream, down the drain. So, I ended up throwing varsity discus. It's really nice because it's laid back. Not too physically demanding. We don't usually run, but when we do, I go with. They tell the throwers, "Come on, how often do we run? So don't whine, just do it." Now the coaches know I have asthma, but I feel like I need to go with them. They tell me I can sit out if I need to. But I always turn it down. You know why? I figured not, my own dad doesn't even understand through the many times I've explained it to him. I feel week when I sit out, watching everybody. I feel like I'm not apart of the team, running together as a team. It's unfair, I work SO much harder than everyone else, only to do the same task at the same quality. I feel like I'm not as good as anybody else because I can't do half the things they do. If you don't have this defect, you won't ever understand what we feel like. About once every track season I break down. Usually it's after we run. I can't take it. I feel like every body pities me. They run by me and tell me to go sit out, and I know what their thinking. "She's probably trying to get out of running. It's probably not even that bad having asthma." I so wish to prove them wrong, and I try. But the asthma defeats me. It's really frustrating when people tell me what to do to try to get it to stop, and it's the same thing over and over again. "Put your hands over your head and walk it out." It's for opening your lungs dumbass. My throat is closing idiot. Of course I don't tell them that, but it doesn't work for me. Never does.

So as my life goes on, I'll be getting lazier and lazier. Getting more restricted on the things I can and cannot do. Maybe I'll take up knitting or something.

At a Time

At this time I should say, I should be doing my homework that never seems to end, but of course I'm not. I have finally entered the new state of high school. I was in high school, but no thee school. Now that I'm where I am, I have no life. Here's the breakdown of every day. Sunday- my day, homework day, laundry day. Monday- school, home, 2 hours at orchestra, 2 hours of homework. Tuesday- school, home, marching band for 4 hours, 2 hours of homework. Wednesday- student council for an hour, school, home, marching band, 2 hours of homework. Thursday- school, Spanish club officer meeting, dinner, marching band, 2 hours of homework. Friday- school, Spanish club, play at the football game, red robin. Saturday- marching band practice till around mid day then competition for the rest of the day. This isn't even that bad. At the beginning of the year, when I was trying to transition from schools, we had student council everyday after school till 5, and the straight to marching band that starts at 5.

That's enough of my schedule. I recently dyed my hair back to a similar color of my natural born hair. It is truthfully scary sometimes, used to the dark blond and all, and now it's nearing black. Ha. It looks good though, so I've been told. I have had guy troubles, but what the hell is new with that? Marching band, ohhh man, we're a whole ton better than last year. We're currently placed 5th in the state? If we make 5th place at states I might die. Last year we got 7th, ehh. My brother's best show got to 4th place. I think we might be able to get there. We have Coleen now. She's harsh, that's not even the word. Worse than harsh. But it's good for us I do agree. We have become so much greater than our thought potential. We just keep pushing the limits. I haven't been so excited about this season. Last year never ever did I miss one minute of practice if it was possible. This year I'm just exhausted, which might be the only real term to describe it. I put forth effort of course, I just have so many things to concentrate on, I can't put my mind to one thing for any long period anymore.BLAHH

It's nearing midnight and I ought to head for bed. I have way more to tell. And it won't all be so dreadfully boring. I NEED A SUBSTITUTE SLEEP AID. If you are a scientific genius, please contact me about any possible antidote!

Night
<3
lins.

This Makes Me Seem Desperate

But I'm not. I haven't talked to "them" in a while. Which is probably best. But I started talking to this guy again I have kinda liked all along. And whenever my friends talk about him, it just, I don't know. I had a dream about him, lol. He lost his cell phone in a classroom, so him and I were like on this secret mission to get it back. lol. It was funny, but cute.

I got back from NT today. We left on thursday. I saw the Oddos and thats it. It was fun. John taught me how to play texas hold em' and cousin Ceal taught me the different kinds of poker. And I learned Egyption Rat Slap and Acey Ducey im guessing. He might be one of my favorite cousins. But I found something out about him, which bothers me, but whatever. =[ Life goes on.

I walked around NT A LOT. Mostly because I'm not allowed to here becasue of busy streets. I also threw a lot there. And some old men would stop and ask me questions about it. THEN this little kid came up to me and said that I was throwing it wrong, that I should be thrwoing it underhand. So I tryed it, not trying to hurt his feelings, and it didnt even go 5 feet.lol.

On Easter I walked the whole day, along and inbetween Division and Roncrof. I got some weird looks because of my varsity jacket. Seeing that it was from 3 states over. I threw behind Spruce and almost chopped some tool's head off. But whatever.lol. There were a brazillion people walking dogs that day. I talked to my dad about keeping the house, instead of selling it, and I could move there one day. Maybe after my college years. But I was also offered a room in my cousins house if I wanted to go to college in the buffalo area. Which I would love to consider but I dont think my mom would like that. My dad doesn't mind. But anyways, my dad wants to keep the house so when he retires, he can just go chill there. I really wish he would keep it. I love that house, that area, the memories, everything.


night
<3
lins.

M.C.

I don't have a clue what the freak that means, but that's what I was tonight. An ANNOUNCER, it was pretty cool to have people stare at me.(talent show) I'm concieted, i know. But it doesn't matter. This is a catch up blog! I watched twilight for the first time! And i thought it was amazing. And I heard the book was even better. So I'm reading the book right now. I'm on chapter 21. Almost done. Almost onto New Moon! I'm doing track again this year. I'm throwing again this year. But I'm trying pole vaulting not again, but for the first time! Winter guard is almost to an end. States is this saturday. I'm kind of excited its over. Too much drama. Too many girls. Too many LITTLE girls who think they're cool. But they are sometimes. They're cute. MCYBB is going great. Theres a kid. And that's all you have to know. Infact, that's his code name now, "the Kid". lol. I had a track meet yesterday, we lost 34- 102. it was freezing and I didn't do as well as I could have. And plus we neverrrr win against trenton. I threw varsity discus. that was a mess. and jv shot put. my sister came home for a day and left for florida =[ its getting warmer here! KAYLAs birthday was last friday, and shes amazingggg. i love her. shes great. greater than frosted flakes lol.theres kid #2 that likes me. and he wrote about me in his blog and i thought it was cute. anyways i have a track meet tomorrow. poop. but its at home and the ring wont be screwed up like trentons was. yuck. im excited for this meet! i have a twitter now and a facebook. i think i have a million different forms of communication on the internet. let us list them: facebook, hotmail, myspace, ecampus, myspace, twitter, ibeatyou, blogtv, kevjumba, and thats it. what was that? nine? wow i need a life. i'm eating a cheese stick right now. and listening to my myspace song. my friend just told me that her boyfriend gave her her first kiss tonight! today, i did something to one of my tendons i think, by my knee, im like "GREATTTTTTT" i doesnnt feel cool at all. now im listening to i caught myself by paramore. and i think im leaving because thats all i had to say
oh states are in saginaw!

night
<3
lins.

Clean Slate

Wow, another year. They go by way too fast for me. For this means a new slate, new resolutions, new perspectives, new expectations. For means people trying to quit smoking, quit spending money left and right, or maybe trying to be nice. For I myself, am going to try to live a healthier lifestyle, tell the truth, always, and give everything a shot, except for law breaking crimes.lol. Another year to hold onto our jobs, houses, frames of minds. A new year to work with our marriages, raise our kids, and keep our freedom. And for me, keep my promises and go to bed way earlier.

To start off the new year of 2009, I am going to continue to pull an all-nighter. I started this last year in honor of the passing of both my grandmother and grandfather. My grandmother passed in 2005 and grandfather 2007. So I stayed up all night on the last day of 2007, and fell asleep at 8 o'clock in the morning on the first day of 2008. I'm going to do it again. In honor of all of my passed family members and all in the wars over seas. But I'm not just doing this for them, I'm doing it because it is down right fun. I get all loopy when I have a lack of sleep.lol. It happens to be starting right now. So I will be texting allllll night if anyone is awake. I will be watching 4 different movies, and playing as many board games that allow only one player, because the rest of my family are poop heads and went to bed at 2 o'clock in the morning. O well, I will live on I guess. This is going to be a rediculously long entry. I have so many things to say. Not really. I will just be doing some rambling, so I DO advise that you stop ready right about NOW.

Yesterday I got my phone fixed because it mysteryously stoped texting. But I could get text messages. O well, it's fixed is all that matters. Last year I stayed up and painted with my Paint-By-Number paint set my grandpa gave to me before he died. I TRIED to paint the Noah's Ark, it did not look too pretty.lol. Today I watched, Get Smart and Fire House Dog with my mom and dad. I'm a family person. Ryan came home really early, at like 1 o'clock. WEIIRRRRRD. But what evvvvvs. Tonight I'm going to watch Definatly Maybe, and I forgot the other one, but I think it's good. Man this is going to be a lonnnnnnng night, or morning. So I got a new pack of gum, DUMBBBB dog.errrrg. I dressed up for New Years Eve's dinner and guess where we went to eat. MHMMM, Big Boys(is proud to be,,, a michigan thanggg). I got the jumbo shrimp. JEEEEZ oximoron lol. My eyelids are really heavy and I am typing reallllllly slow. I think I'm gonna need to drink a lot of pop if I'm gonna beat my record of staying up till 8, it wasn't even 24 hours. So I will write back whenever I wake up tomorrow and tell you what time I fell asleep. Last time I didn't really just nod off. I decided to go to bed because when my brother got up and saw me and I wouldn't stop laughing he was like dude you need sleep. So I slept on my couch for like a million hours. No actually I went to sleep around 8 and woke up at 12 and ran on 4 hours of sleep the whole day. OH DANG I have prop building technically tomorrow, well on the 2 at 10 a.m. I hope this doesn't screw up my sleeping schedule for a long time. urgggg. I NEED SODA. My eye lids are really heavy. Is eye lids one or two words? hmmmmmm. JEEEZ I'm bored. I don't wanna break out the paint either. It smelled pretty funky last year. I just got 5 mountain dews and an aquafina water. I will deffinatly be needing more soda. I need a life. Well I just blew 1/2 an hour just writing this and thinking and breathing and reading over myspace comments from like 2 years ago. Oddly, I remember every conversation. hmmmm. I must be paranormal.lol. Well good morning I guess. I will be back for a short update.

<3
lins.
sorry for anybody who read the whole thing,lol!!
love ya


p.s. i actually stoped writing this at 2:33
but the thingy majig say 10 something
just wanna get that straight as a B line.